| = try to correct | Grosu Luiza-Oana [21.May.05 04:42] |
| well... it's compulsory to write the pronoun with a capital letter. "God" also with a capital. and rectify the misspellings (for exemple: "chronicle" instead of "chronoicle") | |
| = correct your junk!!! | Joshua Vasquez Butawan [22.May.05 14:01] |
| I don't want to be rude but there are alot of typos on your work! if you want to be a good poet then You should correct your Incorrect spellings! | |
| = nice nice , and I hope you can re-write it in a better form | Nancy M. Popa [30.May.05 20:00] |
| Hi Jerald. Nice poem...but as Joshua said..there are some mistakes.I hope you won't mind if I 'll point them out to you. For example it would sound better ,in the beginning something like this- I am not saying that what you wrote is not good- "What do I have to do", "who was the only one -because you have already lost her,right?- "that gave me love". I wish the time turned back,but it would be better if you say , the time came back, because to turn ,implies human action : " I wish I could turn back time-see my point ?;)- "I wasted tears", "a love that was offered "and I'd add " was offered to me by you" And maybe you should let only Like a wizard-sounds better I wish I can hold the time, Like a wizard That casts the chronicle like a true God. I hope you won't mind that I suggested some ideas and said that you have some mistakes, but the poem is beautiful. Don't give up writing. All the best, Nancy P.S: In order to become a good poet you should put in practice the pieces of advice you get and the good critique. Hope to read you again | |