| = life under mars | Marius Surleac [14.Jun.09 08:26] |
| Laurenţiu, I see here a change in style, a strong connection between the composite elements, a very visual urban poem based on pinching the senses. The picture and the last line within - expressive. Well done! | |
| = marius, | Laurenţiu Ion [14.Jun.09 09:37] |
| yes, you did a very good observation regarding the change of style let's see where this new direction of expression is heading now I'm waiting for further opinions :) thanks! cheers! | |
| = Mars rules!:) | Corina Gina Papouis [14.Jun.09 10:56] |
| I agree with Marius: is a text with sharp edges, compact and pulsating like a red sore thumb in the eye of the reader. I would suggest one little thing: 'that nobody dares to PUT a bullet in me' it's all good, Laurentiu! Keep them coming! Cheers, Corina | |
| = cuz it's been so long/ that I can't be sure | Laurenţiu Ion [14.Jun.09 11:18] |
| you made a relevant observation, but you know what will happen if I change the text now through that LET, I wanted to create the feeling after an invasion, with no bullets left or something like this probably over a few days I will replace that LET thanks! cheers | |
| = The god of war... | John Willy Kopperud [14.Jun.09 16:58] |
| ...hovers over this intense poem. Let? Put? Well, maybe it can be expressed that a bullet was let inside the body...Anyway, it's a pleasure to read this. Cheers from Willy | |
| = willy, | Laurenţiu Ion [14.Jun.09 18:02] |
| well said/ it means this poem has achieved the purpose the image has been inserted to fill the atmosphere you have seen a god of war, which is very interesting thanks Cheers! | |
| = what could be holy in me/ I'm empty as an empire after invasion | Ada Ionescu [27.Jul.09 23:02] |
| I feel this poem like having more thin, cutting edges and - as Marius said - it involves a sudden or change in direction of your poetry. Pungent, clearly defined, GOOD! Ada | |
| = Ada, | Laurentiu Ion [28.Jul.09 02:37] |
| You're too kind to me with your generous comment and yes, there's a change of style; a change for the better, hopefully Many thanks! L | |