| = God's pawns.. | Corina Gina Papouis [22.Jun.09 00:08] |
| a couple of things: 1 - let go of 'let' (5th line from the top), the verse would appear lighter 2 - ..and this is purely a suggestion: last stanza i see it : ..'God's chess table'(i don't know why I see God playing chess while deciding..:)) it's a good poem. You wrap up your poetry in real, I like your (writing) style. Cheers, Corina | |
| = Corina, | Laura Cherecheº [22.Jun.09 08:17] |
| thank you for your suggestions, I've let "let" go :),yes, it sounds better this way, as for "god's chess table", soldiers don't really belong on a chess table, but I can see your point. What about "gods' playing table" ? I think I like it more. Cheers! | |
| = dogs&gods of war... | Constantin Delca [22.Jun.09 11:29] |
| are always merciless. on the big playing table, the only "prize" to claim is death with its 1000 faces i like "free their anchored dreams" cheers! | |
| = err | Constantin Delca [22.Jun.09 11:36] |
| the dogs&gods of war | |
| = one thing's | Corina Gina Papouis [22.Jun.09 13:47] |
| sure: dogs will be dogs and gods will be gods. your poem looks good either way!:) cheers C | |
| = laura | Laurenţiu Ion [22.Jun.09 15:08] |
| from now on, you can post texts without editor's verification! please read carefully the rules. try to say your opinions about other texts & keep posting new texts in order to maintain your access level. good luck! | |
| = thank you | Laura Cherecheº [22.Jun.09 16:42] |
| Corina, Constantin, Laurentiu for stopping by and encourging me. I'll do my best! :) cheers! | |