| = . | Marius Surleac [08.Aug.09 21:19] |
| Your poem is quite visual but its flow suffers, probably because of the "sharp" phrases it has, if I may say so - the poem is very fractured and you pass from one idea to another without connecting them too well. Also, "city sad" will sound better if is "sad city" and I want to ask if "brings canopy" refers to the "wind" or the "peaks"? Best wishes, Marius | |