| = akke, hi there! | Corina Gina Papouis [22.Nov.09 23:00] |
| welcome to Agonia and hope you'll enjoy your journey here!:) I would like to point out a few mistakes in the above text: I would can see you - does not sound well! I would see you/ I could see you - yes. slowly kiss - slow is and adjective here not an adverb. correct form should be slow kiss. words 'with' and 'clouds' have also been miss spelled. best wishes, Corina | |
| = coming back | Corina Gina Papouis [23.Nov.09 11:51] |
| on your text, just found that in your last stanza the word drew should be 'draw'(drew being the past tense), which if you correct I am sure you will probably notice that the rhyme would change, too. The poem does need some more polishing as the images used here have been used in many many poems...the repetition of words (sky, sea) do also weaken the strength. regards, Corina | |
| = ... | akKe [23.Nov.09 18:49] |
| I changed the end of poetry ... I don't know. Already I am dizzy thinking how to make this finally and what rhymes to find :-) :-) :-)I hope to be much better | |