Members comments:

= Allow me to suggest-
John Willy Kopperud
[03.Apr.10 02:24]
-that you reshape this quite a bit. You seem to use too many words and your English is a bit off the mark. On the other hand you seem to have some ideas and therefore potential. Now then, my suggestion here; you may use some of it and revise a bit yourself, but anyway:

My eyes have seen
no influence
no change,
or difference
between the worlds.

The eyes of fire.
The breathe of the earth.

Now I retrace my steps
to the forest.

I'll go to sleep again.

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= Allow me to suggest-	John Willy Kopperud [03.Apr.10 02:24]
-that you reshape this quite a bit. You seem to use too many words and your English is a bit off the mark. On the other hand you seem to have some ideas and therefore potential. Now then, my suggestion here; you may use some of it and revise a bit yourself, but anyway: My eyes have seen no influence no change, or difference between the worlds. The eyes of fire. The breathe of the earth. Now I retrace my steps to the forest. I'll go to sleep again.