| = welcome new member & | Veronica Valeanu [06.May.10 21:07] |
| Billy, here is a text with ambition. it should have been the right place for a classic blurring patina all over the description of the beloved one. the first part is appealing, makes the reader curious and ready for smth dramatic. but what follows is not at the same level. afterwards there comes an enumeration of rather factual accounts, more like an argumentation/reproach. it decreases the dramatic potential. the climax is explained instead of subtle or even powerful. the end lacks energy, it turns into colloquial retorts. I'm anxious to see other texts written by you. there is a strong pulse beneath all this. cheers, VV | |
| = Thanks again for your comments, Billy | Billy Ryan [06.May.10 22:11] |
| Veronica, Thank you very much for your kind praise and insightful criticism. I am new to this site--a professor recommended that I post this poem here. I have written much about this former lover. Some of my earlier poems contain the "classic blurring patina" which you mentioned. | |