Members comments:

= .
Veronica Valeanu
[18.May.10 12:31]
[impermanent beauty]seems not such a fortunate choice of words
[incomprehensible red] - creates confusion and a breach in the coherence of the text
{4 dead horses on the railroad}- adds more confusion- why that number, why dead horses
there seems to be no conflict, everything is too linear
maybe you could find another ending as well

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= .	Veronica Valeanu [18.May.10 12:31]
[impermanent beauty]seems not such a fortunate choice of words [incomprehensible red] - creates confusion and a breach in the coherence of the text {4 dead horses on the railroad}- adds more confusion- why that number, why dead horses there seems to be no conflict, everything is too linear maybe you could find another ending as well