| = said, with meaning|
|A moving image of love...|
| = Dan Marius|
|I liked the sense of drama, the implicit and explicit line breaks and the imagery in your poem... To avoid clichees I would remove one word: lovers.|
so please break/ perfect couple
Also, the shift adjective-to-noun: "the stark"
And the rhythm...
| = hey there|
|thanks. don't think I'll remove "lovers" though.. although your "version" sounds better. yes well in the end lovers remove themselves :)|