| = good | Veronica Valeanu [23.Mar.11 15:52] |
| Ana Maria, you harnessed senses and perception in an excellent way here! there is indeed a lot of chemistry between you and that hot desperation I read the other texts in your page once again keep writing, do it more often -it is smth that gives more than what you give from yourself - a suggestion to eliminate this line completely, or transform it radically in order to be in allignment with the same state of mind that reigns in the last part: [Parody of senses, needles in my eyes] all the best, VV | |
| = Thank you, Veronica Valeanu! | Ivan Ana Maria [23.Mar.11 17:27] |
| Dear Veronica Valeanu, Thank you for your words and for your suggestions. You are right, that line does conflict visually with the other ones, but the small poem was written in one breath, so to speak, which makes it hard to post-process it now. You are right about writing too, it is more than cathartic. I rarely gather enough courage to write ... Now that you drew my attention to this particular line, I cannot stop justifying it, in my head. I see the last stanza as a way of focusing on how the body can be comprised into the substance of its main perceptions, the poem reaches its climax there, as it becomes vertiginous, hallucinating. When I read it, my voice touches its higher note there. Imagine it read in one breath, imagine a voice full of anger, almost groaning towards the end... Yes..writing ... Veronica, thank you again for your comment. It is highly appreciated. "Poetry is thoughts that breathe, and words that burn." Thomas Gray It was wonderful to meet you, Veronica! | |
| = post-processing :) | Veronica Valeanu [23.Mar.11 17:46] |
| i was thinking about what you said, that it's written in one breath. you know the funny thing about such feelings/events is -at least, in my opinion, that our subconscious will keep on remembering projecting them on that mental screen over and over, surprisingly, in slow motion, almost in a decomposed way. in this way the pleasure or intensity is preserved by a counter-action. :) writing can work the same way, or at least it should dare so it's not about the courage to write, but the one-breath to feel that! VV | |