| = Hemingway|
James A Williams
|This is a good start. Please do rid it of your abbreviations, they just don't work, though I'm sure you did it on purpose. Believe me, though a writer of prose, I've tried many things that didn't work.|
You need to revise this again and again, that is that nature of writing. To quote Ernest Hemingway, "The first draft of anything is shit."