| = Input | James A Williams [03.Feb.12 04:59] |
| Hi Nica. I think that with a little work this could be posted. I think it an interesting exploration of a battle within ones self and only (I think,) some poor grammar and spelling errors keep it in the 'workshop.' "I hear it ring in my mind, but somehow the world inside stays shunt. why you always hide?" I would rewrite it something like this: "I hear the ring in my mind, but somehow the world inside remains shut. Why do you hide?" I wish you… rather than 'Wish you…' "Trying to resurrect your cold blooded heart seems at times in vain." Change to something like… To resurrect your cold heart is vain. I will be happy to give you more input if you're interested. jaw | |
| = thanks | nica ioana [25.Nov.13 21:08] |
| thanks james for the comment. I corrected. I've been absent quite a while on this website, so only now I saw your comment. but the text sounds much better this way, thanks | |