| = I know... | Romulus Campan Maramuresanu [04.Nov.12 15:55] |
| Hi Bettina As I read your text, very sad memories flooded my heart, as unfortunately I know where your character comes from... Would it be possible to reconsider your text, as besides its vivid and very realistic description of a child's unfortunate tragedies, the text is more descriptive/narrative than poetic, without basic elements needed for a poem, e.g. a more metaphorical approach to the ideatic flow, of course without eliminating the culminative, realistic peaks. With respect, rcm | |
| = Dear Romulus, ... | Bettina Katalin [05.Nov.12 06:45] |
| Dear Romulus, first of all: Thank you very much for your comment. I know, that you are right, but it's a very tricky thing to actually reconsider this text, since it is the translation of the original (german) text. I do not feel to happy about it neither, but I just don't know how to 'make it work' better, yet. Anyway, I will try to find a better way. Many thanks, Bettina | |
| + K | Veronica Vãleanu [05.Nov.12 11:47] |
| my opinion is that in this shape, the text & the message have a more powerful impact because of the back-broken sentences. it seems like the gist of minimalism devoid of big words. eliminating the attitude is perfect in this case, also viewed from the perspective of a helpless teenager, who desperately needs to resist a horrible danger. | |
| = & | Veronica Vãleanu [05.Nov.12 14:48] |
| I saw you have recently re-posted this text. A text should only appear once on your page, that's why I decided to put its double under the category {rejected and blocked}. I hope you do not mind. Mr. R. Campan-Maramuresanu has hot noticed previously it was a double. Since I blocked the double, I have to mention the comment he left you under it. here it is: Hi Bettina, Please read the advice I gave you for your first posting of same text. This is as much as I can read, exactly the same text. Interesting to observe though the difference between the German and the English texts, as in the German text you use "Tod" while in the English you use "gone", which are not exactly synonyms. With respect, rcm | |
| = re-posting | Bettina Katalin [05.Nov.12 21:33] |
| I have to apologize, I never meant to re-post the same (English) version of the text. I actually tried to post the original (German) text, so that both versions could be viewed at the same time. With kind regards, Bettina | |