| + . | Veronica Vãleanu [08.Oct.12 11:24] |
| I like how you built the speech, how you inserted modulations in your tone, and especially because the purpose of the speech has a certain grandeur, acquired with minute precision throughout the message. My only suggestion is that this last line [Whatever… I never liked them…] -doesn't convey anything substantial to what has already been rendered, so you may well get rid of it. and perhaps [felicity] instead of [beatitude] | |
| = Thanks for the comment again, it means a lot to get feedback from others! | Kengyel Timea [28.Jan.13 08:13] |
| Thanks for the comment. I kind of forgot about this poem already, but now it comes all back to me. I am still leaving the last line in there because it conveys that we are just spectators at the big game of the world. However at the moment I am in a more entrepreneurial state of mind, and could be writing more engaging comments. Might be that your comment will give me an impulse to do that! | |