| = / | Eric Coursey [21.Feb.15 07:25] |
| I really enjoyed this. I liked the language because it felt new but also ageless. REALLY enjoyed the whole dream scene. I only have one suggestion, for me something about te language in stanza 3 seemed incongruous to what had previous been. I felt like the tone jarred. Maybe that was because of the difference between dreams and reality? I might still make the transition smoother. | |
| = Thanks jaw | James A Williams [26.Feb.15 06:44] |
| Hey Eric, Thanks for the input. I confess that I am uncomfortable with the transition as well and will work on it. | |