| = Observations | Romulus Câmpan Maramureșanu [31.Jul.24 16:59] |
| "The scattered waves of voices from the sages Dissolves..." I think that here, syntax may demand "dissolve" instead of the above "ddissolves". Also, the phonetical accentuation of "deeply" is different from "free", causing therefore a forced rendition of the intended rhyme. Reconsideration is advisable. rcm | |
| = Indeed | Ionut Popa [05.Aug.24 16:43] |
| Thank you for your observations, Romulus! Indeed, "dissolves" was a mistake that I overlooked somehow, which is now corrected. However, in regard to the "deeply" and "free" imperfect rhyme, I will have to ponder some more on the issue. If or when inspiration strikes again, I will improve this. For now, I will leave it as is. Cheers! | |
| = So inspiration struck, | Ionut Popa [10.Aug.24 17:00] |
| And I changed (for the better, I hope) the ninth line. Cheers! ImP | |
| + Horizons of a defying hope | Romulus Câmpan Maramureșanu [13.Aug.24 14:25] |
| Still thinking that Cadmus might deserve another rhyme trial, however, the changes bring forth depths and penetration. Well deserved star! rcm | |
| = At some point... | Ionut Popa [16.Aug.24 16:56] |
| Thank you for the appreciation, Romulus! I'm glad you found the changes relevant. Cheers, ImP | |