| = Well done! Welcome! | Sydney Krivenko [01.Aug.07 17:04] |
| I like it! Welcome! Only, if I may say, the last two lines are somewhat unnecessary, they spoil the nice flow. Also the beauy after... that is a forced rhyme, wire(spelling!) "There is only a thin wire on which to find beauty", my humble suggestion. Don´t worry about rhymes in every line! The flow and melody of a poem is the main thing to strive for, and to make it a story with some sense is the hardest part! Well done! | |
| = thanks, but I won't change it | Jucan Alexandru [29.Jan.08 10:03] |
| I wanted to build a flow in order to kill it so I can express a rough message. The wire is a narrow way. Beauty and fulfillment are at the end of the road not on it. Thank you! This was my first (and only, so far) poem in English. I wasn't expecting to see it approved from the begining. | |