| = Well said and very romantic..., may I ask some questions?|
|Marius, I must say there are some things in this glorious poem I don´t quite grasp:"..those were lost in an un-extant heart disease? repustre petal? Sorry, could not find "repustre" in my dictionary... |
If I may voice my opinion, I would change this second "those"... "great were those moments we spent far away -
they or which were lost...
the golden crystal...
wants to melt, (not get melt) this is more slang english, not poetical.
"and flows on my freeze? (frozen or freezing)carcass...? can you explain?
I am not sure here whether you try to convey a happy feeling or a sad one?
Well said, and very melodical!
Hope you don't mind my advice!
| = true sensations...|
|Thank you Sydney for your kind comment and for the helpful advice you gave to me.|
First of all I know that there are some hard to understand things because my way of seeing things is a little bit different, everyone of us is like that in a particular way.
So after you've comment my text I saw things that are as you said and I understood what you mean about slang expression as well.
So I have made few modifications to the text.
First of all I have used "rupestre petal" from the French "rupestre" because I haven't found a synonym in English language and I was referring to something like cave-art paintings. I didn’t found another word to express that.
Then "un-extant heart disease" I have managed to modify it to make myself more understandable with "non-existential".
After all, the main idea of the text is about love and there is a beautiful feeling about and not sad one but more a melancholically "heart disease" that affects the soul. All these mixed feeling because of the flow of the memories from the past, and the dusk is the key that alternates them to the top of the sensations level.
I thank you so much for your advice and you're always welcome.
Thank you Sydney and have a beautiful day!
Cheers from Marius!
| = appendage...|
|…by the way, "the golden crystal" is the core that shines like gold; "wants to melt" because of the high sensations, the warm ones.|