| = Very good idea, but then again we have to deal with... | John Willy Kopperud [24.Apr.08 21:08] |
| ...grammar and syntax, which is a pity since considerable beauty is contained in this poem. A number of these things just can't be expressed that way in English. I might as well offer you a complete "wash": One stable pillar Right above the city A flying swallow .......................... Silently I await From my window at home Flies and butterflies .......................... The roar of the gun In the midst of trees Some night owls .......................... Delayed whispering In the dusk at night At the window an owl .......................... Hours lining up At the temple of poems Radius of hope .......................... At the seaside Raining like in spring The sand is moving .......................... Rainfall of stars Mirrored in own reflections The end of the world If the text depends completely upon a certain count of syllables, all might have been in vain, but hopefully my suggestion might be of some use to you. Cheers from Willy | |
| = that being said and | Mike Aspros [25.Apr.08 07:52] |
| I like your style imagery and the way you pace the poem. Mike | |