| = This poem has potential... | John Willy Kopperud [14.May.08 22:45] |
| ...and the intensity in the first four lines really hit me! Why then, does it contain a last line of more than question- able quality? "masquerade between concrete" has no actual significance in English. I sincerely think you should drop that last line altogether. If you do, Bogdan, this poem becomes outright good! Cheers from Willy | |
| = masquerade between concrete | Bogdan G. Marin [15.May.08 23:42] |
| Thank you Willy, I am glad you enjoyed it. "essence forgotten, nothing speaks" - People today tend more to look at the physical aspect, then the person`s mind, state of spirit. What I call is for understanding, contemplation - because all today is only a "masquerade between concrete" - even so I will delete this verse. | |
| = Now this really works... | John Willy Kopperud [16.May.08 09:09] |
| ..as a poem. Thanks for taking advice! Cheers from Willy | |
| = Willy, | Bogdan G. Marin [17.May.08 09:41] |
| Yes will I accept all advices - if they are truly good. Thank you. | |
| = hollow fills the silence... | Marius Surleac [17.May.08 10:10] |
| Quite interesting text Bogdan. Now we talk here about deep thoughts and ideas. Is a little bit about finding ourselves, finding the virtue and the text has a kind of beautiful noise in a silenced area: "boiling sun", "tempest is hiding". Very good job Bogdan! Cheers from Marius! | |