| = good idea but few... | Marius Surleac [09.Jun.08 16:30] |
| Nerves strained to the edge of the real possibilities. I like the images provoked here (Ex: "My world is a hospital where needles are currency and pills are seat belts, that supposably insure my safety"). The last stanza is superb: "I'm tired to be awaken, everytime I die” - is like an infinite cycle of resurrections. Also I want to point out some errors: “supposable” instead of “supposably” and “every time” instead of “everytime” Cheers from Marius | |
| = thank you. | Vicleanu Mihaita [09.Jun.08 17:30] |
| thank you marius...i just noticed those mistakes....can't believe i've done it..i need to pay more attention... | |
| = fatigue | Veronica Valeanu [14.Jun.09 15:56] |
| this poem will be greater without the perspective of the "I"/"my"/"me". try removing them and it will transform from a suspended monologue into a universal insight - + transform actions (some verbs) into reactions (nouns) notice the change keep in touch V.V. | |