| = Marius, this is a brilliant idea! | John Willy Kopperud [25.Jul.08 10:34] |
| Kind of experimental, fine images, but I'm convinced that it would be better poetry (and English) if you write THE before SOUL in the last line. And, almost forgot, the title is very good! Cheers from Willy | |
| = yes, but... | Marius Surleac [25.Jul.08 10:42] |
| Hi Willy! You're quite right about "the" before "soul", but Dodoitsu is a Japanese poetry of fixed form using the cannon 7-7-7-5. So, that "the" will disrupt the 5 syllables. Cheers! | |
| = Ah! In that case I'd suggest... | John Willy Kopperud [25.Jul.08 11:12] |
| ...something like this: The words I wrote on the sky, with stars instead of blue ink - signs of my heart's vibrations on top of this soul. It's 7-7-5 and it's my humble suggestion. dear Marius! Cheers from Willy | |
| = thank you my friend | Marius Surleac [25.Jul.08 11:19] |
| Willy, that is an excellent suggestion. Thank you very much for the help! Best regards, Marius | |