| = ! | Marius Surleac [02.Dec.08 20:41] |
| Victor, this is not a haiku. It looks more like a senryu or just a tercet. Ask me, hope I won't forgot, to send you some links that might help you. Best wishes, Marius | |
| = Marius, please... | Victor Potra [02.Dec.08 21:28] |
| ... see the Romanian version of the poem. Maybe my translation is quite poor, we must discuss... :) But in Romanian I'll sustain till bitter end that this is a haiku! :)) I have revealed in my comments why… But I‘m really open on any landmarks stated by you… :) Really thankful for your support, Victor. | |
| = yeap | Marius Surleac [02.Dec.08 21:50] |
| Victor, here you used two verbs. I read the Romanian version as well and looks better than the English one - also, now I observed the subtitle that helps with the style. It is good for your first haiku attempt. I was in the same situation with my first haiku and now I have revised them in a smooth shape. Cheers, Marius | |
| = Marius, please do so... | Victor Potra [03.Dec.08 11:48] |
| I kindly remind you to send me the links you told me about. I know I can use some improvement :) Somehow I also have the impression that in the English version of this poem I lost some of the feeling present in Ro version, and this may be truly damaging. I see haiku as a state of mind. Intensity is the key. I'll try to extract at least one verb. Thanks a lot! | |