| = smart...|
|I like your poem Diana. It shows literary quality, good construction of the poem, the idea is kept unchanged, good choosing of the descriptive elements, poetic maturity. A poem of hope, self trust, joy of life!|
Well done Diana!
P.S. From now on you'll be able to post texts without editors' verification!
Best wishes and keep up the good way,
| = happy|
|Thank you, Marius. You made my day a happy one. All the best, Diana.|
| = instant love should be quick|
|"instant love" is ok (even though a little cheesy)|
might be able to cut the sugary taste with extreme brevity, like:
two seconds deep
| = intention|
|I understand but this was not my intention. And when I describe instant love I don't have a cheesy image in my mind, just like the poem says, it describes a profound universe.|
| = my opinion|
|We should stop fearing to be cheesy, we should remember, like many other things “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder”, that is even more obvious when many don’t get the “cheesy” feeling when reading Diana’s poem. More so, “instant love” can be cold and a bit cruel at times and that is far from “cheesy”.|
In the end why should we choose to find “cheesy” bad? Is an “I love you” cheesy? We always say it, to our significant others, mothers, fathers, friends, pets, nature and so on and at times it feels soooooo cheesy, should we even bother to say it again???
Anyway, I just love this poem and still cannot find anything cheesy about it :P
Congrats Diana, can’t wait to see what is next.
Have a wonderful new year.
| = another thing|
|Another thing I want to point out: instant doesn’t necessarily mean quick in it’s end, it can be a mood of love, a fast start with no opinions about endings. Maybe I am wrong but still, I can always choose what to make of it ;).|
| = sweet|
Corina Gina Papouis
|and light as sponge cake...I liked its innocence!|
just wondered if you would consider:
"I am falling in love (...) with every love song....
| = double love|
|I am glad you liked it. That line I wanted to be intentionally forced to suggest the idea of instant love or a close idea of "too much love", something that bursts and provokes a double reaction. All the best, Diana.|
| = precisely|
|Thank you, Yoanna D. for the comment. And I wish you all the best in 2009 and lots of love! Yes, your point is precisely my intention for instant love "concept". Is just like "love at first sight" or something like it. And sometimes life can change so easily when you are in love, and obviously is nothing cheesy in that. Probably it would be in the universe of a "telenovela", but not here. Cheers, Diana.|
| = As Marius I enjoyed this fine poem..|
John Willy Kopperud
|...and I share his assessment. Nevertheless there are|
a couple of grammatical faults here that should be mended:
why does time must show us we are getting old?
Cannot be expressed that way, Either write:
Why must time show us OR
Why does time show us.
I am falling in love WITH every love song.
Cheers from Willy
| = corrected|
|Thanks, Willy for your kind suggestions. And I am glad you enjoyed my poem. Cheers, Diana.|
| = poetic maturity, I agree|
|with Marius here. I also agree with whoever said that "instant love" is a bit too sugary, especially if repeated within the text. |
"I am falling FOR each town,
FOR every love song that I hear"
On the whole, very impressed by this poem (esp by the first line). Congratulations.
| = thank you|
|Thanks for the appreciation and also for the suggestion. However, I will stick to this version of the text, even though for some "instant love" sounds sugary, I don't know why. Cheers, Diana.|
| = cheers|
|is the context, Diana: "the rainbow shines like a child wearing a Cinderella costume,/ walking in the park with nothing but instant love in my pockets". translate this into romanian and read it aloud.|
anyway, my comments are generally strictly technical. i'll tell what i think doesn't work and why, sometimes offer a version that i think it works. of course, key word here is "i think", there is no golden rule/r when it comes to art...
otherwise, i enjoy myself plenty of sugary stuff, like italian music from the sixties :)
happy new year!
| = Happy new year!|
|Well, no damage here. I like technical observations. And of course I understand your point of view. The thing is love is sugary or cheesy or "too over the top", that's why is called love. I cannot avoid this issue. Kids like to be sugary, parents like cheesy stuff, we all like it. Is love anyway and is meant to be sweet. All the best, Diana.|
| = .|
|when I read the title I thought I'm gonna find an envelope of instant love, sold cheap. this idea refers to the importance of love and to the men/women who doesn't give a sh*t for love. honestly, I'm going a little upset from here, even if this poem is pretty good.|
| = prejudice|
|In life is best to put the prejudice out of the way. I like creating my own universe and is not cheap. Probably you should understand more what you are reading after you read it. Thanks for the comment. Cheers, Diana.|
| = no, no, no...|
|Not your creation is cheap. do you see ? you didn't understand! gosh!|
I had referred on your title, not on your poem. I thought I'm gonna find an instant love sold cheap(not your poem, I repeat), but it wasn't like that.
did you understand ?:)
| = ok|
|I understand, probably I was mislead by your confused ideas. Sorry about that. All the best, Diana.|
| = .|
|I admit! I'm a little bit confusing in my ideas, but I'm glad to see you understood.|
| = those are your colors|
|May be it is too late. Once I was told I use darker shades when I MUST use lighter shades for my paintings. I told the "well known" painter, those are my colors. She "understood" that those were my colors.|
I bet anybody else ever could "feel" your colors as you feel them. So forget about the technicality, rules...paint them as you feel them. All the best
| = exactly|
|Indeed, that's my feeling too. We should be free in our creation and let go to our inner emotions. Thank you for your words. All the best!|