| = May I know the weigt unit used by you for english language? | Viorel Petru Trifan [15.Jan.09 12:21] |
| Dear editor, Please note my comments regarding Thoughts and ideas http://www.livingforlove.info/ Kind regards vp trifan | |
| = . | Marius Surleac [15.Jan.09 12:39] |
| Ok. I think that the poem can be polished. It was put to workshop because there are few problems like: “pass” – could be “every morning passes” or “I pass” – try to figure out the connection there. Then “fill of” – maybe is “fill up puddles” or “fill with puddles” because in the way it is I haven’t heard of a fill of puddles. Also there is not a well built connection between “everyone is a brush” and “an unseen painter drawing…” – it could have been used an “is” in front of “drawing” or “draws”. The repetition of “crowd” so many times in such a short area wipes out the meaning, the mystery of the poem, as well as the repetition of “puddle” and the psychotic use of colours. All these are the reasons for the poem being in Workshop. If you can work a bit more, to polish it, can get out from Workshop. I am not interested on which websites you publish your work – it matters the quality of the poem. Best wishes, Marius | |