| = nice | Diana Todea [13.Feb.09 19:57] |
| I liked the inspiration you had in this poem and the last line. Sounds melancholic and playful. Cheers, Diana. | |
| = a little drift | ion a [13.Feb.09 20:48] |
| i liked the first one better, it has more internal cohesion, more rhythm. this one is a little more conventional, (“bottom of life”… “bottom of happiness”) you seem to be doing best when letting loose a little, bringing forth some quirkiness. like here, i kind of expected something like "Even the sun is paying attention to the wall/ shake well get rid of silence" | |
| = playful delight | ruxandra olteanu [15.Feb.09 10:47] |
| Thank you for your words. The intense moments and feelings attached to them find proper 'valleys' for their expression. it's an awesome experience for me to write poetry in English, I explore the poetic 'matter' in a more intense manner, more freely and hearty. I somehow escape from the 'burden' of 'too deeply explored' significance of words. The game is consumed in the 'curtain' of the language. Cheers, Ruxandra | |
| = top(ic) the bottom | ruxandra olteanu [15.Feb.09 10:48] |
| I like more the first one, too. It's like one simple breath that also keeps the tension. Yes, 'the bottom of' and 'life' and 'happiness' are conventional and may cut through this poem in a formal complain ending in a victorious scream. You are right, a quirky push is needed, but the structure and its sooth significance must pop-up somehow. I didn't mean the humble, ordinary, victorious, human, profane "hapiness", is much more... I hope to find a more inspired manner to express this. Thank you for shading light on this aspect, thank you for your help. It means very much for me! Best! | |