| = Adrian | Adrian Brudaru [22.Jul.04 11:45] |
| Breaking it up into smaller lines would help with readability and would make the understanding of the poem easier. But maybe it's just me. | |
| = in two ... opinion | Marius Surleac [26.Mar.08 15:00] |
| I don't know if Adrian is right about the breaking it up, but I think that the lines are good like that because each stanza gives you a wonderful image to think about. It is wonderful how you've managed to create such pictures beyond the words. "we have cut our wings with the teeth untouched by earth of ancestors we have remained empty skulls waiting for autumn on the branch of the tree of genesis from which we know ourselves of good and bad like two snakes devouring each other in a ritual dance" - this first part of the poem I think its gorgeous - the images created makes you to enter the canopy room to take a closer look. Wonderful romantic poem! Congratulations! | |
| = in two ... opinion | Marius Surleac [26.Mar.08 10:19] |
| I don't know if Adrian is right about the breaking it up, but I think that the lines are good like that because each stanza gives you a wonderful image to think about. It is wonderful how you've managed to create such pictures beyond the words. "we have cut our wings with the teeth untouched by earth of ancestors we have remained empty skulls waiting for autumn on the branch of the tree of genesis from which we know ourselves of good and bad like two snakes devouring each other in a ritual dance" - this first part of the poem I think its gorgeous - the images created makes you to enter the canopy room to take a closer look. Wonderful romantic poem! Congratulations! | |