| = great imagery|
|Beautiful imagery, heavy with emotion... I like your poem.|
However, the part
"Outside your body
the herbs have stopped your heart,
slowly entering into
is a bit odd, it breaks the flow, and doesn't really make logical sense - how can herbs (do you mean algae?) that are outside your body slowly enter your lungs... there's something that needs fixing here.
| = poetical image|
|Thank you, Dan, for reading my poem and for your suggestion. However, the "herbs" I was refering here are not algae; it is a poetical image to suggest that the nature was invading the body and the soul of the person. The distinction outside-inside is metaphorical, meaning that the person becomes the same entity with nature. The herbs can refer to ivy (iedera) that slowly grow and invade the external medium. But in this case, they invade a body and they stop the life within it.|
Hope this makes sense. Cheers, Diana.