| = that old man | Motoc Lavinia [25.Jun.10 20:30] |
| I believe there is something, at the very bottom of this pile, something good, that can support itself and stand up on two feet, but there are also some parts that need rewriting. For example 'which is not yet to say that he's to fear' needs rephrasing and airing. But keep the final three verses as they are.I have enjoyed it. | |
| = Lavinia | cora denise manole [30.Jun.10 12:11] |
| Here I bungled a classical style because the emotions that drove to it were sort of set in a classical paradigm of feeling. I am perfectly aware the outcome is clumsy and flawed, but this is one of my few poems which I'm very relaxed about. No virtuoso ambitions whatsoever, it just streamed on paper without my intervening too much. I simply felt it was entitled its own space. Thank you for the constructive criticism! Cheers! | |
| = * | cora denise manole [30.Jun.10 12:12] |
| entitled to (...) | |