| = hello | Motoc Lavinia [06.Jan.11 14:09] |
| I think the simplicity of the language is a good thing and the idea of the poem itself it is nice. I would change something in the lines ' that what was happening to me was perfectly normal;' as it makes is difficult to read( try reading it out loud to see what I mean). | |
| = a | Corina Gina Papouis [08.Jan.11 17:36] |
| nice surprise, Dan, seeing you here, on the other side..:p. I know this poem, so well, I always appreciated the style and the way you turn simplicity into a masterpiece. if I would suggest one thing it would be here: that on some of my thoughts there were traces of lipstick. 'that some of my thoughts had traces of lipstick' all the best! :) | |
| = yin & | Dely Cristian Marian [24.Jan.11 21:59] |
| I see the yin of this poetry takes men's side. Here is yang: last night I did notice that on some of my thoughts there were traces of lipstick. a woman had moved in me without any previous warning as she refused talking to me, I began asking around. everybody answered that what was happening to me was perfectly normal; "there is a woman in every man" | |