| = the vigil that deserves a life | Veronica Valeanu [28.Apr.11 10:20] |
| Igor, welcome to Agonia English! I have the feeling that you will surprise us here too. Here is an intriguing, thought-provoking sample of your work. I simply envy you for this line: [forward in the mythical proboscides of the day] - it is one of the most powerful things that I've read lately. yet, I would like you to reconsider this part: [you could persist in your faith to insist] - those 2 words disrupt the attention from flowing ahead, and the obvious rhyme with [cosmogonist] block the focus of the poem on the semantic level. one more thing- but it's only a personal opinion, you might not want to embrace it: the ending seems to lose touch and energy, it needs some attitude imput. keep on writing. VV | |
| = anti-energic concept | Igor Ursenco [28.Apr.11 13:12] |
| Dear Veronica, I have but a feeling that you can be my best criticist. However I assure you that it was my very intention to explore a non-energetiv poin of view. I'm glad that you get the equivalence by „the mythical proboscides of the day” & that of „the dying tunnel”! | |
| = for and against | Veronica Valeanu [28.Apr.11 13:23] |
| you are so right about exploring the anti-energetic side and now, to take it further :) I wonder whether this side could paradoxically be about letting things go with the flow in some kind of abandonment only to see the energy emerge again, perhaps in another shape or form :) | |
| = Right | Igor Ursenco [29.Apr.11 11:44] |
| You are so fq. right! Absolutelly agree! | |
| + i think i like you, hope you don't become donald trump :) | ion a [30.Apr.11 06:31] |
| a little schematic, a little precious, a little erudite, a little boisterous. all this just begs for a little (more) irony, i.e. "forward in the *fabled* proboscides of the day" (but i wouldn't bet this is better) i've actually liked the final, turning everything into kind of a video game | |
| = More to come! | Igor Ursenco [01.May.11 01:33] |
| Dear Ion A, Honestly, neither do I like Trump, however I appreciate your commentary. Waiting for more replys. Friendly, igor. | |