| = the bear necessities | Veronica Văleanu [02.Aug.11 23:13] |
| when trying to dig under the first layer, it makes sense. however, in texts like this, you could have a larger cover area even in the middle of the text, for example, by disrupting somewhere a chain of actions, in order to discover raw feelings, uncharted attitudes, just like looking closely at different little wheels inside a mechanism. about the concepts- I would have liked you to play much more with that fur-element- to steal the perspective in. the good thing about this text is that the reader can still perceive that space, even if it is still a perspective. the ending is good, the statement of loneliness levels out everything. | |
| = Lines gone wild | Mocanu Petrina [04.Aug.11 16:25] |
| Thank you for reading and thank you for your feedback ! It really helps me to understand how/if somebody not knowing me and not having similar experiences can still feel/understand what I write ( which I would love to happen )and what can be done better. I will try next time to dominate more the main idea ( rather than being dominated by it :) ). Regarding the space, I am wondering now how this idea is perceived by somebody who never saw humans wearing bear skins ( I grew up in a mountain area of Romania and this is one of the local traditions when celebrating New Year ). Petrina | |