| = aller guten dinge sind drei? | ion a [05.Nov.11 06:41] |
| liked the first stanza, existence - a collage of random clippings from other people's existence, language, habits. i think the second one is still good, a little contrived though (pull again on ropes... reminiscence of scribbles) last one kind of spoiled it for me, "building permanence on shaking ground" sounds just too premeditated, too predictable. you could probably turn it into a really good poem with a little more focus success | |
| = Thank you | ofelia apostol [05.Nov.11 16:16] |
| Thank you. Smiles, Ofelia | |