| + who the crippled really was | Veronica Vãleanu [06.Jan.12 10:33] |
| without engaging myself in any disquisition, I think it's a great text. the crux: the values it carries, and everything is spelled out on a semi-indifferent tone, like our sometimes much too worn out perception about how we should see the reality. I'd like to think that in the end the mower remained there for a while, like that apple... great work, Mircea! I'm looking forward to more texts like this one. perhaps there are so many others waiting for you to put them down on paper. VV | |
| = Great story | James A Williams [18.Jan.12 05:15] |
| I love the story and the POV of the retarded man. The way he considers the cripples to be the handicapped and wishes not to offend them by his ease of movement. Great twist at the end. No one saw him. Perfect! I do think that you should kill the adverb where the administrator was "very happy," with the bargain. Rather than modify a weak verb, perhaps use a stronger one. ie. 'delighted' or 'thrilled.' Though this is written in the Past Tense, you do slip into the Present Tense a couple of times a big no, no. "most of the villagers seeing him…" Should read: most of the villagers saw him "Lucky you that the house is empty and nobody saw you!" Should continue in past tense to match the rest of the story. Lucky you that the house 'was' empty and nobody saw you!" Also, as a final note I think that rather than the administrator being "very upset," something stronger could be used, like 'angry, irate or furious.' Sorry, I love to kill adverbs in favour of stronger verbs :) This is a great text, please don't let my minor suggestions make you believe otherwise. jaw | |