| = Hi Leo | Corina Gina Papouis [22.Jan.14 17:52] |
| I would suggest a few turns of phrase: see see-through coffin (rather than transparent) losing heat rather than temperature cans of spray rather than tubes of spray also one grammar issue: 'how could otherwise would I be able to move my body' to be simplified into: how would I otherwise be able to move my body Hope this helps, and hope to read you again soon! Kind regards! | |