|loved this piece...deserved star i feel how was this missed...|
| = you are too kind|
|whereas at the moment of writng it, the rhyme seemed the best solution to render that incantation between the lines, now it is this rhyming that annoys me about it. i'm afraid it sounds too ostentatiously, in a haughty note.|
if you can find some suggestions about minimising the impact i am willing to make some changes.
| = veronica.|
|to be honest i loved it's raw texture hence why the star for you ...sometimes we can over compensate or overstate this was rough and as is ...my advice leave as it is ...|