| = outside | Veronica Valeanu [11.Mar.09 20:24] |
| this poem lacks what the other one had. melodramatic syntagms - "heart feels empty" is not a verse a poet should be proud of. perhaps you would be able to improve it if you transformed it into a trance, rather than a descriptive-sad atmosphere. intensity & perspective are to be taken into account. cheers, Veronica | |
| = thanks | Lynn West [25.May.09 07:55] |
| I certainly appreciate your help - and you are right - this one spilled out without much thought - and sometimes that works - but not always - thanks again | |