| = Longing for | Iuliana Ungureanu [06.Dec.03 06:21] |
| The word "longing" can not be used next to "towards". You could use "for" instead. | |
| = welcome | Florin Opran [06.Dec.03 23:34] |
| welcome | |
| = Indeed, but... | Cosmin Pohaci [07.Dec.03 23:38] |
| Thanks Flo. Indeed, it should have been "for" or "to" next to "longing". I admit it when I make mistakes...though I was more curious in what you thought about the poem as a whole. Well? | |
| = I start praying ! | Adela-Adriana Moscu [08.Dec.03 05:19] |
| Greetings Cosmin : Yes,it appears that on this site some are immensly preocupied how perfectly the languages and, the signs of punctuation are used. I hardly read any comments about the artistic value, and the soul of a poem. How very sad indeed. This attitude builds inhibition in many of us to contribute more, and to make comments.( In the event that I did not explore the site enough I appologize in advance to all who read this. Thank you for your forgiveness.)And so many of us are in need to see how our verses touched someone's heart and so on... Well... such is life in the world of rigidity. I wish for you a world of love !!!Let's see what happens to me after leaving such comment for you. If they silence me then you lost probably an importand feedback. I shall start praying after I press the botton SUBMIT ! This poem is very interesting..Somehow I saw it in black and white like a symbolic movie of Felini. Definitely I felt the power of your search for the light in it. I found it to be bizar in a beautiful way...NICE ! | |
| = Some sanity at last | Cosmin Pohaci [09.Dec.03 00:39] |
| Well Adela, as you can see, your prayers were listened. I'm glad there are people who are more interested in, as you said 'the artistic value and the soul of a poem', because from what I have heard and seen, many people on this site have the tendency to destroy other writers/poets' work instead of having a constructive approach. I'm glad my poem meant something to you and 'reached' you. After all, that is the main purpose of a poem( where the relationship between artist and reader is concerned). Thanks! | |
| = Adela, Cosmin | ion amariutei [11.Dec.03 00:50] |
| i'm afraid i'll have to disagree. the purpose of this site should be not to *feel good* but to write well. were these poems written in romanian, would you still excuse bad grammar? back to our poem, since *I'm in the crowd...trembling* the first verse might sound better *The light bulb is swinging* or *shaking* *I'm longing towards a light,/ A firm light is what I need.../ I found one! Please stay...* sounds a lot like the wedding vows of a young couple, might squeeze a few tears from family members but is not going to get a literary prize... *The noises' shadows, the shadows' noise...* is probably the strongest verse in this poem, suggesting the uncertainty of the world at large, constantly shifting shapes and meaning i would try to build on this single verse, i don't think this should be a love poem | |
| = No love | Cosmin Pohaci [14.Dec.03 03:35] |
| "were these poems written in romanian, would you still excuse bad grammar?" but this is NOT a poem written in romanian. of course if we are going to use a foreign language for our poems/essays, it has to be used correctly, but there's a certain degree of strictness where your own language is concerned and another for a foreign one. a foreigner can't speak perfectly a language that isn't his own, because there are always certain things that only an english person knows. in this case i knew the correct forms are "for" and "to", but for some reason at the time I wrote this poem(it was about a year ago) I decided on "towards". As for "trembling", "swinging" or "shaking" I just felt it was the right word to use. When someone else reads the poem can't understand really what the poet had in mind then and he thinks he should have used another term...but it's a different story for teh author. and if he feels that's teh most appropriate word...that stays. And it is by no means a love poem. Actually it's anything BUT a love poem, and if you think this then you didn't understand the poem. It's a cry (maybe for help), it's a scream caused by confusion, by uncertainties, it's insecurity, it has NOTHING to do with love | |
| = Cosmin | ion amariutei [14.Dec.03 05:26] |
| i've suggested *swinging* because *trembling* appears twice in the first stanza in *A firm light is what I need.../ I found one! Please stay...* is the *Please stay* that *swings* the topic *towards* a love poem :) | |