I carry in me photographic impressions of glamorous Berlin,
like fleeting imprints on my eye.
Sparkly decorations on Ku’damm,reminding you of Fifth Avenue
and trees with luminous outlines on Unten den Linden.
The lavish wellness breakfast I had one morning
The bustling shopping venues, swarming with people.
The scent of Marzipan cappuccinos.
The sheer cold.
Museum-like buildings
and your hands, always snug and warm.
The fun of actually driving at 80 km per hour downtown…

A girl throwing up into the street,from a taxi’s back door
(do you remember?)
On her way to the New Year’s

We celebrated New Year’s under the firework show,
Amidst the happy crowd, in smoky air.
It’s 2009.There is no place I’d rather be.
I’m jittery, yet I am not happy

Who am I growing into?
I bear myself steadily, reluctantly, into my thirties.
I’m being cold to you, I know
I don’t want to walk back
Re-import myself
into my language, into my native country,
into a hollow tomorrow
I don’t wanna drive on the same cracked, rutted roads
I don’t wanna grow numb to beauty any-more
New year’s resolutions would seem played out and fake...

My mood is a relentless rehearsal of winter.

Splinters of floodlit nights,Weihnachtsmarkt and Glühwein
Mix up my blood with nostalgia