The following is a true story - about me - its an exchange of emails between me and my holy woman, my shaman - and what happened to me the day the Hawk came.


Thursday, February 22, 2002 The hawk.

Something strange happened yesterday - maybe I'm just reading something into it - maybe it was just one of those odd things that happen sometimes - but I always think things happen for a reason - I can't figure this out - if there is anything to figure out - you may think I'm nuts for even writing you about this - but I wanted to bounce it off you - if you don't mind.
I work on the 14th floor of an approximately 20 story building (small compared to many here in Dallas) - we have "balconies" (ornate iron with railings - we can go out on these balconies through glass doors in some of the offices - but we keep them locked and rarely go out - usually just look out) - well, about 10:00 my boss called me in to his office - he said come in here but be very quiet and walk slow - I thought - okay he's lost it. So, there - outside the glass door sitting on the railing was a Hawk - now if it were a pigeon I wouldn't have thought anything about it - lots of pigeons here in the city. Hawks in the city, well, I've never seen one here before and I've worked downtown since 1984. The hawk was not facing the small field that we look down upon - he was facing us - facing the windows in other words. That could be nothing, but he sat there for hours - facing us - he was there over 5 hours - in fact I went in on my lunch hour while my boss was in a meeting and just sat on his couch and watched him. He didn't seem hurt, he groomed himself, perched on one foot, then the other, etc. - I looked and him - he looked at me - he wasn't scared - or didn't seem to be -- he just sat there for hours -- am I nuts - or could this mean something, if so, what? It was calming sitting there watching him. Maybe I just needed the interaction with nature, I don't know....

In answer my shaman wrote:

my God, lynn. do you know how few people get a gift like that!!!
thank you so very much for sharing it with me. yes, yes, yes, it means something.
everything about it means something.
the fact that your boss called you in there means you and your boss have a karmic tie of some kind and I would absolutely bet that this is his or her way of gifting you something, in connection with a past life with them.
the Hawk as a totem is literally "Spirit Messenger". Hawk teaches you how to hear Spirit in your life.
I would very strongly encourage you to learn more about working with the Hawk as a totem.
ask Hawk to come into your dreamtime and teach you.
you might also want to do some searches or find a native American store there, where you might get info on anyone who helps people understand totem energies.
also, I'd get two books by ted Andrews.
if you want to order them from amazon,
however, you may want them right away so if you go to a bookstore,
the titles are animal speaks and animal wise.
particularly animal speaks. animal wise can wait til later.
now, if you go to the link above, you'll also read about mine and my friend loretta's totem essences. this may be too far out for you but I am just letting you know that it is a tool that can help you connect with your power animals.
this is so exciting. what a tremendous gift. thank you for sharing it with me.
I would go out to where the Hawk was tomorrow and do a simple thanksgiving ceremony. no one has to know what you are doing. just take a pinch of loose tobacco and pray with it, giving thanks for the Hawk's gifts and energy, and the just throw it to the wind.
wonderful news Lynn. just wonderful.
¬______________________

So by researching I found that the Hawk and the number 14 is significant... I also found that the Hawk was and I believe still is, my spirit totem and that he was sent to me to show me the "big picture". I had fought not working for a couple of years when the Hawk visited me - you see I have an eye disease which destroyed my central vision in my left eye in 1986 - the right eye (my good eye) has had 10 surgeries since September 2000 and I was getting to the point where staying on the pc doing the type of legal work that I did was becoming almost impossible - but stubborn me - I didn't want to give up the $$ that I thought I needed - I didn't want to give up what I thought was my independence after having worked for so many years. I didn't listen to my spirit totem right away - it tooks years of meditation, of having obstacles thrown in my path of the Great Spirit making it happen... for instance, the 77 year old law firm for whom I worked shut down! What were the odds of that. But I went on to another firm, thinking I could handle it - my eyes could "do it" - and I was to learn very quickly that no - it was no longer meant to be... it took a matter of two months and almost a meltdown for me to wake up. Well, life's lessons are funny, that way. Sometimes it takes a slap in the face, so to speak to make us see "the big picture" - to see what is right in front of us and I can't help but think of that old saying "you can't see the forest for the trees" - that means a lot to me now because finally, at last, I do see what my eyes can not see - I do see that life isn't always about making money - it isn't always about having the material things - it isn't always about the things that you think you MUST do... it is about the little things - it is about friends and family. It is about health and mental wellbeing - something we take so very much for granted. Life is only important to you when you to stop and LIVE it.

Namaste,

MoonAngel