Translated by Mona Lepadatu


Angela: ‘My dears. We are all going to the psychologist today. It is compulsory once a year and according to law. Come on, Maria. Let’s go, you are on the list, too... Quickly.’

Maria: ‘What a long line at door of the psychologist’s office! You’ll see how long this is going to last...’
Angela: ‘No, dear, we have an appointment and an order number. Go inside, go inside! Go, we’re not waiting in the line! Come on, Maria, have some nerve!’
Maria: ‘Wouldn’t it be better if you went in first? To meet them... Err, hello.’
The psychologist: ‘Hello, are you alone?’
Maria: ‘No, with Angela. She is in the corridor. Shall I call her?’
The psychologist: ‘No, not yet. Take a sea, please. What is your name?’
Maria: ‘Maria Popescu.’
The psychologist: ‘Maria, Maria... Aha, I’ve found you in the computer. See how efficient we are? We are com-pu-te-rised now! What hospital do you come from and who is you doctor?’
Maria: ‘No hospital.., from the Dragonfly and I don’t have one doctor in particular.’
The psychologist: ‘I see... How nice, you come from a dragonfly. Have you seen, in spring, dragonflies with two engines? They mate at that time of year, don’t they? But let’s get back to our business: we’ll start the psychological test. How are you feeling today?’
Maria: ‘Bored.’
The psychologist: ‘Let’s get back a little to what you said before. If you come from a dragonfly, that means you are a dragonfly, too... And what do you do, my dear?’
Maria: ‘I play in theatre plays.’
The psychologist: ‘Very interesting! A dragonfly who plays theatre. Let’s start with a few drawings and you will explain them to me with words. What do you think, can we do that? Then I’m going to ask a few simple questions. Shall we start? Tell me, what can you see here?’
Maria: ‘A little bee.’
The psychologist: ‘What do you mean, a little bee?’
Maria: ‘Or a fly, if you like, I can’t see it well. Anyway, something with wings.’
The psychologist: ‘And no text? Can’t you see any letters?’
Maria: ‘Letters? Oh, yes! There is a note on the back: forbidden to minors and HIV infested people. Err..., that was a joke, madam, why are looking at me like that?’
The psychologist: ‘No, Maria, that was not a joke. But let’s put the drawings aside..., look, how about answering a few questions? Are you ready?’
Maria: ‘I am.’
The psychologist: ‘Did you cry a lot when you were young?’
Maria: ‘No, only at night when my parents were late from work.’
The psychologist: ‘Have you been to funerals in childhood?’
Maria: ‘Yes, to the Resurrection Cemetery, to get alimony, wheat porridge and milk and rice. I especially liked the candy on the top.’
The psychologist: ‘Have you ever straightened nails?’
Maria: ‘Have I ever what?’
The psychologist: ‘Crooked nails, have you ever straightened any?’
Maria: ‘No, I was too clumsy and I would have hit myself with the hammer. Besides, it wouldn’t have even crossed my mind to straighten nails...’
The psychologist: ‘When you had guests, did your parents make recite poems or anything of the sort?’
Maria: ‘They tried, poor darlings... The hardest thing was when they made me say something in German, for they had sent me when I was very young to a nursery school where that was the only language of the school. I learnt the first German word after a whole month.’
The psychologist: ‘And what was this magical word?’
Maria: ‘Der Elephant, but there is nothing magical about it. If you don’t mind, is this question in your papers, too?’
The psychologist: ‘I’m the one asking the questions, Maria, have you forgotten? So. Have you played catch when you were young?’
Maria: ‘Only pretending to be laying eggs, not climbing trees, my parents wouldn’t allow it.’
The psychologist: ‘Have you ever been bewitched by an evil eye?’
Maria: ‘Once, I was seven, we were at the Govora health resort, lodged by a local family, by mother Jenica. I had a headache and the host made me drink water in which she had put down burning coals. She also rubbed my forehead, while saying Our Father.’
The psychologist: ‘Did you enjoy scaring the elderly in childhood?’
Maria: ‘Very much. I would throw bags full of water from the eighth floor, I especially hit old women.’ The bags burst at their feet and they screamed. I used to scare aunty Zina, from Brasov, when she came for a visit. She was deaf and didn’t notice that I was hiding in the wardrobe. Then, when she passed in front of me, I jumped in her face and put my hands up, like this! She would tell my parents, pretending she had heartaches from the shock.’
The psychologist: ‘In childhood, did they cut your hair when you turned one year old?’
Maria: ‘What do you mean? oh, you’re asking the questions, I know. I have no idea.’
The psychologist: ‘Have you ever eaten chalk to skip classes in school?’
Maria: ‘No, I have never eaten chalk.’
The psychologist: ‘That is not possible, the test shows that you skipped classes in childhood. So you did eat chalk.’
Maria: ‘Skipping classes, I admit, I did that. But I have never eaten chalk Phew! The taste must be horrible...’
The psychologist: ‘Last time you admitted you liked chalk. Maria, it is not nice to lie. Please call my assistant, Mrs. Angela, and I’ll write your prescription in the meantime. You’re going to the sanatorium in Predeal, to be treated.’
Maria: ‘Which assistant? Why? What’s wrong with me?’
The psychologist: ‘Because of prolonged stress you have got some deviant behaviour and multiple tics’.
Maria: ‘ What tics?’
The psychologist: ‘You bite your nails and pull at your eyebrows.’
Maria: ‘Oh! Sometimes, when I’m nervous...’
The psychologist: ‘Look, my dear. If I don’t send you to the sanatorium now your illness will progress and who knows where you’re going to get. Today you are a dragonfly, tomorrow, who knows? And you see bees, too. You miss home, don’t you? I see... Please call my assistant.


* **

Maria: ’Angela!’
Angela: ‘Why the hell did you stay in so long?’
Maria: ‘Leave me alone, Angela, I’m very ill. I see bees, I don’t eat chalk, I bite my nails and I pull at my eyebrows. This one wants to send me to the sanatorium, Angela, to Predeal. By the way, do you know why you are called assistant?’
Angela: ‘How nice, to Predeal. What assistant?’
Maria: ‘What is nice about a sanatorium, Angela? Come on, she said you should come in with me.’
Angela: ‘Why, I’m not your mother.’
Maria: ‘No idea. I don’t know anymore. She says I’m a dragonfly...’

* * *
The psychologist: ‘Mrs. Angela? Hello. Why do you let walk around alone? Do you realize to what risks that you have exposed us? Now she thinks she is an artist, did you know that? Please give me the reference from the hospital.’
Angela: ‘What reference?’
The psychologist: ‘The one from the hospital, naturally. From the psychiatry department.’
Angela: ‘Doctor, we are from the Dragonfly Theatre. We are here for the labour health check up.’
The psychologist: ‘Dragonfly? What dragonfly? What got into all of you with these dragonflies? Oh! Wait a minute! Now you’re talking. You’re from the theatre! From the Dragonfly Theatre. Why didn’t you say so, ladies? I apologise, Mrs. Maria. I thought you were... ill, you know. I’m waiting for some patients from the Giulesti psychiatric ward. Here you are, I’ve signed your card, you are fit to continue your job.’
Maria: ‘And my deviant behaviour?’
The psychologist: ‘Oh, forget about it.’
Maria: ‘But the tics, my nail biting, the eyebrows, the bees thing...’
The psychologist: ‘No, madam. we all have tics and you are here for a labour health check up, I know the law myself.. Next, please!’