What about me? What more can you ask of me than to reveal my inner essence for the sole pleasure of your entertainment. How perverted is the human mind, if it can ask a person to reveal its inner essence, the sole possession that defines a person and its unique way of thinking. For instance, while these words are being written I am thinking of dying and all its advantages. While I am laying down a testimony of my thinking, on the other hand I am being more am more attracted to death and its revelations and liberations. How can one person think that? It’s quite simple actually. The mind has evolved a capacity for dissimulation, thus making it quite simple to carry out two individual thinking patterns. Thinking in two different directions. In one direction wanting to taste the bitter-sweet taste of life and with the other to seek escape into death. The really great thing about these patterns is that you don’t have to immediately follow one. Imagine thinking in contrasts. While admiring something so much that it gets almost divined, brought on the highest peak of human hierarchical comprehension and ordering, at the same time sinking it into the fires of hell for its devilish substance. One can go mad while performing a contrast analysis and comparison but the risk is fairly small taking into consideration the benefits that such a process brings to the human mind. Actually, the human mind it being fed contrasting images about its object of study, contrasting images that ease the process of creating an internal image of the object of study, starting from ideas, convictions and even hard beliefs. So while I am staying here writing this down, thinking about the fact that right now I am consolidating my beliefs on concurrent thinking patterns, I am also previewing in my mind, my death. I would wish for it to come slowly so that I could suffer as much as I have made the world suffer from my existence. And that is what I wish for all people. Death should be the equal punishment of all the wrong done in life. But death is also a means of freeing one’s self. Death can releave you of all duties and credentials. In man’s pursuit of life and its benefits, there is never equilibrium. Greed and its opposite make it impossible to obtain a balanced set of beneficial and also non-beneficial credentials. Get away from it all. Leave behind all that is life and that generates suffering. Suffering, the state of true suffering can only be achieved in individual silence. Collective suffering only leads to a hierarchical ordering of the reasons and therefore to each individual’s acknowledgement that its reason is being overshadowed by some reasons more important. But being alone generates a virtual private world around its maker. That world contains only what the maker wants to see and hear. Only thoughts considered benefic at that time will enter the world which the maker is creating. And those thought lead only to self-destruction in this case. But I am aware thou that my mind is allowing me to consider another point of view, in fact several points of view. But all that I am seeing in the outside world is colorful despite my world, which, with it’s accentuated multiple shades of gray is more that satisfying. Maybe this is a cry for help. Maybe this is a demand made in vain but I cannot continue to coexist in the world which on one hand encourages life and on the other hand seeks so relentless to destroy it by confronting it with reality. Life is becoming more and more impossible. In the search for a way out, death is the only means of escape that remains valid no matter what the circumstances point to. So there is only one more decision to be made. WHEN? When will I die. I see the place and the way in which I leave this terrible world which hasn’t given me any reason to linger on, but the one key element which hasn’t revealed himself yet is the exact time of my death. When will I end my suffering. I think I have already started to die, and all this suffering is only a glimpse of what I will be free of. Free.