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no sun rose over the hills this morning
and i was gathering my dog-hands around the keyboard to let them show you the latest tricks i taught them i sent you some pictures with cloudless skies with mountains reinventing the color white a few octaves higher with lights floating gentle five centimeters above the table in a spiritism session – you told me humans are just as miraculous as Saturn rings and their faith is stronger than the strongest drugs and i know now it’s true – i sent you pictures with empty libraries and grain fields and blue-green lakes and hospitals and slaughterhouses – there is beauty in cruelty and in death, you told me there is beauty in dead bodies and war crimes there is beauty in mothers crying their souls out for their dead sons and for their raped daughters there is beauty everywhere, you told me it's just harder and harder to find and it takes courage, it takes strong will and a strong stomach to see it deep down, in the heart of darkness growing deeper and deeper inside itself more and more alienated... we have to bring it back, you told me, and this is what I am trying to do right now with these words from other worlds i am digging deep into the unsung childhoods sailing away forever i am ransacking dying beds and following god-serving moths into their deaths i am knocking down empty walls of concrete white and indecent searching for the first hum of those miraculous four notes of Beethoven’s ninth which promised us all redemption forever or at least until the sun sets and made up lights take over the world with the subtlety of she-devils. i dug into the heart of things with my doggish imagination and i turned upside down one world after another and screamed in despair and i know you are there hiding deeper and deeper carrying with you the seeds from which this world sprang into life and horror i am searching for you with all the good and all the evil in me as you told me to but i just can’t i can’t, i can’t, i can’t find you i can’t figure out how to get to you and the sun sets forever in kindness
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