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Fair Trade?
poetry [ ]

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by [Leo ]

2005-12-11  |     | 



“Fair Trade?”

Huey, Louie, and Stewie walk onto stage left and continue walking slowly.

Huey: Hmm, whatever, I doubt that anything will even happen anyway.

Louie: Yea, I mean, what’s the worst that could happen to us, were rats, when the apocalypse comes, we’ll be hanging out with the cockroaches, just livin’ it up.

Stewie: Yea you guys are right, lets go get some cheese at Sally’s.

Huey, Louie, and Stewie enter Sally’s Cheese House to have some food. The three rats each sit on stools at the bar.

Huey: Hey Sally, Can a rat get a little cheese or what?

Sally: Oh shut up Huey, you’ll get your cheese when I feel like it. What are u rats doing here so early anyway?

Louie: Well Stewie over here woke us up early whining about the apocalypse approaching and what we’re gonna do.

Sally: If I were you boys I wouldn’t worry about an apocalypse, I mean, you’re rats, you’ll live through it.

Louie: That’s what I’ve been trying to tell this moron all day.

Stewie: What’ll it be today boys?

Huey: What do you recommend?

Louie: I’ll take Parmesan. Have Parmesan Huey, its good stuff.

Sally: I’d say go with the Blue cheese.

Huey: I don’t know, Um……., I’ll take Swiss.

Stewie: I’m feeling American today, yes, American will do.

Huey: You always feel American.

Stewie: At least I can decide for myself. What did you choose? Oh yea Swiss, figures.

Sally turns on the television in the bar. Anchor face appears in fake T.V. The morning news anchor speaks in a frightening tone.

Anchor: Live from Shab-E Source News we have breaking coverage; the suspicion of the worst has just been confirmed. THE APOCALYPSE IS UPON US! We have live satellite radar showing the incoming meteor known as ‘Realitee’ surging toward us at the speed of time.

“Anchor” holds up picture of meteor which shows live picture of incoming meteor.

Louie: Holy Shhhh!

Stewie: WOW, we need a plan now!

Anchor: All species of earth are recommended to…..well, honestly, we have nothing to tell you, but good luck and good night.

The television show ends promptly, screen turns to snow. Sally turns off the T.V. afraid.

Sally: Sorry guys, you heard it. You rats might be safe but I’m closing up shop and getting outta here. I’ve gotta get my puppies and get far far away. Lock the door on your way out. Better yet, no need.

Sally exits the stage left. The rats look around puzzled. Huey, Louie, and Stewie exit the bar


Outside, Random animals are fleeing in all directions, trying to find a safe haven

Huey: Good lord, I didn’t even know all of these species existed. Ok , who’s got a plan?

Louie: Uhh, I dunno.

Stewie: Lets go visit Mack the turtle.

Louie: Good idea.

The Rats go to Mack the Turtle’s house. Mack opens the door.

Mack: Hello Gentlemen, what a surprise. Can I offer you each a burger and fries?

Huey: Here we go.

Louie: Mack, what’s with you haven’t you heard? The apocalypse is on the horizon, we’ll all be burned to a crisp! We need your help!

Mack: Oh yes the apocalypse, it’s true, it is near, but you are rats my friends, you should have no fear.

Huey: Everyone says that but we don’t a clue where to run. Those rats you speak of were rats of the old times. We are modern rats; we left instincts back with the record player. We rely on weathermen, television, and the internet. Catch up old man!

Mack: Well now I see what a predicament you are in, it seems the rat species has changed now and then. You’ve traded your instincts for speed and control, now your selfishness has taken a toll.

Huey: We don’t need this. Lets get outta here.

Stewie: Wait, Mack, we need your help. You are the wisest species in the land. If you can’t help us, we will die.

Mack: Stewie, the wisdom you seek must come from within, my own plan is to stay here alone in my den. When it comes to the end, a turtle shall die, but you are the rat, you should know where to hide. Rely on yourself for the answers you seek, they lay buried inside if you just take a peek. Try to recover your wit and your courage, and through it all you surely will flourish.

Huey: Thanks Doc, I think we’ve heard enough. Lets go guys.

Stewie: But Mack…..

Mack: Within….. the answer is within, trust your instincts and your life you will win. Forget about T.V. and technology O.K.? For these things will have no use today. What would you do when it’s put up to you, think for yourself and the light will come through.

The rats exit Mack’s house. They return to the chaotic streets.

Huey: Well, going to Mack’s was the best idea I have ever heard, thanks Stewie.

Louie: Easy Huey, we no time for this, we must find shelter, and soon.

Huey: I got it! The roaches, if anyone knows where to hide then it’s them! Those savages have lived off the land with their primitive tactics for ages! Fools they are, never thought I would need the help of a roach. It’s usually the opposite.

The rats locate and converse with scattering roaches bypassing.

Huey: Hey, excuse me, roach! Where are you guys heading?!

Roach: Fend for yourself, you’re good at that.

Huey: Damn you! You wouldn’t be alive without us roach! You owe us!

Another Rat runs past

Louie: Hey, Rat, excuse us sir, where are you headed?

Rat: Didn’t you hear, don’t you watch the news? There was a riot at the news station, everyone is angry for the lack of advice given by the anchor. But don’t worry, they budged and told us what we needed to know. They said to head to Parish Park.

Huey: The news, I knew it, they always come through, to Parish Park boys!

Stewie: But Parish Park was the point of impact on the radar? Why would we go there?

Louie: It’s what the news said didn’t you hear, lets go, we’re wasting time.

Stewie: I don’t think it’s a good idea. I have a feeling in my gut.

Huey: Stewie! Lets go, the news said to go to Parish Park, what don’t you understand. It’s the news, they don’t lie.

Rat: Yea I even checked the internet, its all there.

Stewie: I’m not going, I’m going back to Mack’s house. He’ll know what to do.

Louie: Stewie?!

Huey: Fine, Let him go Louie, let’s get out of hear, he’ll learn.

Huey, Louie, and the Rat head to Parish Park, Stewie heads to Mack’s house.

Stewie: Mack, MACK! Open up its me Stewie.

Mack: Stewie? Stewie, what brings you back here, I was sure by now your thoughts would be clear.

Stewie: They are clear Mack, and my gut lead me here. Huey and Louie went to Parish Park, The news said to. But I don’t think that’s where we should go. So I listened to what you said and I trusted my gut. It lead me here.

Mack: Well, if that’s what you felt then that must be right, take a seat on my couch you seem quite uptight. We’ll stay here for now, we’ll sit and we’ll wait, in minutes now we shall know of our fate. If it’s the end of the world then we truly will see, but why not see what they say on T.V.

Mack turns on the T.V. It cuts in mid program.

Anchor: …..with this great news we will cut to our radar, we can now see that the meteor is not the size of Texas as we thought, but only about as big as midsized park. Any place with adequate open space will be able to absorb the impact saving those outside its proximity.

Stewie: Oh my God! But the meteor is headed straight for…

A tremendous thud rattles the foundation of Mack’s house stunning them both.

Mack: Well, I’m sorry you friends got stuck in a rut , but a lesson learned that you trusted your own gut.














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