I’m falling down.
My only company is darkness.


first:
I’m alone and thinking of what I’ve lost.
I’m thinking about all the times I stayed in because of what was out.
I’m thinking of the many, many timid words that never left my mouth.
I’m thinking of all the people I let die
I’m thinking of all the ones I didn’t.
I’m thinking of the mess I left of my room,
and of the mess I left of a presence.
I’m thinking of all the courage they had,
And all which I lacked.
I’m thinking of you,
but only a little.


second:
And then I remember everything else:
the hazy two years, the black days, the forgotten hours,
the strange faces, the unfamiliar names, the undiscovered bruises,
the mystifying attraction,
the drink,
and then the poison.


third::
I’d say to be dead is to feel nothing,
but I feel something.
Outside I feel warmth,
inside I feel nerves clinching,
and even deeper inside I feel relief:
finally, I’ve found closure.



the end:
I’m falling down.