i once decided to rid myself
of you
your crimson lips
tempting my vanity
tempting whisper
haunting hangovers
i once decided my sentences
will end in a full stop
a full, total, abominable stop.
i thought i could just
end my wanting me
drop my you-garment
like an old Dorothy Perkins top
in a Heart 4 Hearts
charity shop
and naked as i am
start filling myself with others -
ambrozia of broken hearts
or fresh orange juice longed for
in the early morning
even before
coffee and cigarettes.
i just thought i could leave my sandals ashore
and adjust my bare soles
to the jigsaw waves
in another sea,
stepping onto other shells,
crushing other sand-watches watching time away,
allowing my entire weight
go on top of broken compasses
mischieving sailors at sea,
singing backwards the syren's song
of sweet pathetic epiphany,
reveal myself to the world
just as i am,
uncovered, unpromised, unwed...

i just thought
i could start and be myself