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Ever-changing Changeless \"I\"
prose [ ]

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by [zegnarfol ]

2009-10-18  |     | 



That which I identify as past, actions I identify as having performed, feelings that have moved me, knit into the tapestry of my life - a tapestry framed incarnate. I am cognizant of the finite. I cannot escape mortality, though I have tried to do so through the legacy of my children, my work, the memories others have of me, I am burdened by the thought of the end of organism. There is a problem. Identification as a corporeal being the survival imperative nourished, crumbles at the impasse of death, and I am perplexed.

Sentience has created a countenance of illusion with regard to continuity of I. To maintain my sense of continuity, no longer do I see myself solely corporeally. A new integration emerges. The biological imperative gives way to a transcendental imperative: survival of More-Than-I. A non-corporeal paradigm is imagined (crystallized in belief, honed in practice) of continuity as a spiritual, re-incarnated, "goodness" being.

If that too be countenanced as illusory, I expand further, impelled by the psychic energy liberated from the thrall of chthonic nature now slain. No longer are spirits in things. I as many transplant as the entity of All. I am fellow, tree, rock, water and sky. I as God scatter the doubt of dissolution onto an imagination of Everness, Eternity and Permanence. The colored grains of the Mandala are swept away, but I Am Immanent in the thought that created it and in the birth of the new - I Am That I Am, dependent on no thing, and cause of all.

While some individuals have anthropotheised, many more have entrusted personal continuity under the aegis of godheads and the issuing emissaries accepted as providential to sustaining the I-imperative of the faithful:

My father gave me life. I died. My son became a father. He died. In turn his son became a father. And all that passed were one in the Father and all as one issued from the Father.

What passes changes character, but essence remains the template of iteration. This is not a religious revolution, but a human one with many faces.

"I" no longer identifies solely with the individual and need for personal survival, but becomes fluid emergent plethora, an ultimate expression of non-destructibility. Survival of the organism is no longer paramount so much as a feeling of liberation in the expression of self in creation.

This is an evolutionary story; the pinnacle of which the narcissistic and instinctual need to love has been over-arched by a truly personal and instinct-transcendent will to love.

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