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￭ in return for your navy blue shirt
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2010-04-13 | |
Do you remember Love?
Do you remember the silent rainy day when we found ourselves again?
I have felt it; it was almost like it was hanging in the air. I donāt know what made me think of it but it was what Iāve felt. Back then, we were starting to decay and everything around us was running dry: our feelings, our conversations, our souls. Nothing was making any sense in the life that we were living, murky flow of time, stanched with boredom and ignorance. We forgot who we were. We forgot why weāve fell in love, the first kiss, the first flower. The butterflies that any one freshly in love is feeling turned to moths; too many useless arguments, too many empty words thrown around for social convenience. Even āI love youā lost its meaning.
We were growing apart, separated by a decayed wall of carelessness, covered by the grayish veil of unspoken words. Neither of us had the courage to admit the place we were heading; it was the graveyard, the tormented place of lost love. I have forgotten you and you did the same. I could no longer hear your smile, no longer feel you and you were blind, no longer seeing me. I didnāt remember anymore why you and I were even there. We were murderers, slowly and cruelly assassinating what was once the best thing that happened to our lives: our love.
Thenā¦ then something happened; perhaps somewhere in the great scheme of life, in the endless Universe flowing on an eternal river of time we had to have a place next to each other. A horrid night, stormy and tarred, opened the gates to my most feared daemons. They gathered from the darkest corners of my mind and came haunting me. Perhaps it was the last call for me, the last chance of either giving in to them or wake up in the light of my old new self. The terrible struggle, fed by the storm outside, echoed inside me like a hurricane. The invisible claws of my daemons were holding my heart in a painful grip, and the grin on their faces was telling me Iām lost for ever. I was shouting, arguing with them and myself, throwing curses and spiting words at them yet the more I was doing that, the more pain I was heaving in my heart. In a burst, with the strongest curse I could muster one daemon, that resembled me, made the simplest gesture: it closed its fist holding my heart. A soft hiss and my heart turned to dust forever. I woke up.
I woke up to see that it was still raining, grayish tears pouring down. However, by a game of faith, I was still alive. I opened the windows and stared in the void. Few seconds later I realized something did not seem to be in its place. I took a deep breath and almost choked with the freshness of the air; I was smelling green!!! I widely opened my eyes and saw threads of water sneaking behind plants and grass, playing games of my ill imagination. I looked up and though the sun was covered by a thick blanket of clouds I could feel its presence. There was no wind yet I could hear it presence, master chorister, orchestrating the leaves in an irresistible chant. Two birds that were chatting on a branch became silent and a squirrel stopped looking for nuts throwing a curious look at me. All I could hear was the leaves. Out of nowhere, a tear made its way down my cheek, shy clear water washing down my sins and sorrow. Iāve felt I knew what I have to do.
I slowly turned around and got back in the room. Quiet steps, one after the other carried me next to our bed. You were still sleeping, softly breathing, your black hair covering your shoulders. I looked at you and I started remembering; not only who you were and what were you doing there but also me, us, our love. I sat next you and softly touched your shoulder. You woke up, your senses slowly coming to live. You found one of my fingers sealing your lips in a quiet smile and I took yours and pressed them against my lips, in the same soft and quiet seal. You still wanted to ask what is going on with me but the look in my eyes and the second tear that was running down my cheek said it all. You closed your eyes in understanding and gave in to the feeling.
I went to make the coffee and when Iāve returned I found you in the same spot I was before. You were having the same tear I had running down your cheek; I couldnāt resist the impulse and I leaned over you kissing it, washing the sorrow away. Your eyes cleared, looking at me like they didnāt see me for eons. I felt old yet not helpless, I felt grief yet I wasnāt hurting. I took you in my arms, embracing you in an endless moment, feeling I never want to let go of you. We just sat there for a long time listening to the concert, the masterpiece put together by the wind and the trees, and the grass, and the leaves, and the birds.
Though it was raining, I felt the same as you, I felt like walking in the rain. We quietly dressed up and, with no spoken words we went outside. I could already see you were changing, something in your eyes was telling me that your heart started beating again and I saw you are reading the same thing in my eyes. We silently waked in the warm rain, one next to the other, and blind to what was happening around us, two lost souls still stepping on the path they were destined to. At some point we stopped.
I will never know why we stopped at the same time. I was ashamed to look at you and I felt the same from you. Our hands, two shy extensions of our souls, came to life blindly looking for the other. They met and we shivered when our fingers touched. We stayed there, pinned down by a force we didnāt understand. Iāve gathered my strength and turned to you, looking into your eyes, to find you did the same. The Universe stopped, the time itself froze. I got lost into your hazel eyes and embraced the feeling they were giving me. I felt my heart beating faster and the feeling crawled to your lips, curling them in a smile, the smile I knew I am ready to die for. The feeling making our hearts beating was too simple, yet too strong to ignore. I raised my hand and drove it through your hair and pulled you closer. Iāve hesitated but for the last time; in this timeless moment we were moving in slow motion, closer, and closer.
Our lips touched, in the ever sweetest kiss, gluing our souls, bonding them in a chained feeling we were craving for, a feeling we have forgotten and rediscovered right that split second: love. We were desperately crushing our lips against each other, embraced in this kiss, afraid that if we let go we will both die. We kissed, and kissed and kissed, until we couldnāt feel our lips anymore; and then we kissed some more. Droplets of rain were pouring down on us, making their way between our lips but we didnāt care. People were passing by, hurrying towards unknown destinations but we werenāt there, we were in a different space and time: we were kissing again for the first time, we were falling in love again. Our hearts started beating again in sync, talking the same ancient language they were talking what seemed eons ago.
We came back home, wet to the bones, yet feeling that something amazing happened in the rain. You looked helpless, all wet, and Iāve started taking your clothes off. A strange sound slowed my hands. In the beginning I couldnāt understand what is it but then, I realized what it is: it was the blood boiling in your veins. The spark that Iāve seen in your eyes turned to flame. My blood started rushing through my veins, faster and faster, like a comet on a spiral path plunging in the Sun. Iāve quietly took your clothes off and embraced you, giving in the desire of melting in you. I ran again my fingers through your black hair, bathing in the hazel color of your eyes. You were still smelling of rain, and green and Iāve let myself getting drunk by the scent of your skin. Iāve let my fingers run wild on the curves of your body, slowly getting down on your neck, on your shoulders, along the arms, caressing every inch of you. I still remember you body next to mine and the opera that our hearts was singing. We loved each other more than we loved ourselves. We rediscovered what we were afraid we lost forever: love.
At the end, peacefully, calm, you raised your head towards me, you softly kissed me and I saw another tear running down your cheek; you were thanking me, grateful to the rain and the silence that brought us together. I leaned and kissed your tear. I love you.
Do you remember Love?
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