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2008-04-23 | |
I carried her home in my arms...through the blistering cold...well hidden under my coat, drunk at the smell of her hair. Drunk of happiness and wishing for the road never to end so I could bear her sweet burden in my arms forever.
She didn't say a word and didn't make a move.
I put her down on the couch in the living room and tried to start a conversation while making the fire..
She kept looking towards the opposite wall speechless, with nothing reflecting in her beautiful eyes....
- I hope you are feeling comfortable I said when the room was warm and there was nothing else to do around the room.
I thought that tomorrow we can go to a walk in the parc, it is all covered in snow now and if we wake up early there will be noone to disturb us..it is going to be so fun..
There are so many places where I would like to take you, in the mountains...and maybe we can go together to see the sea, I hear there is nothing more beautiful than the sunrise over the sea...
- What do you want from me? I heard her say after a long moment of silence. Why did you took me from the store? I cannot stand going out in the snow and the cold and you want to take me to the park? And when there is no one in the park.... What is the point of going somewhere if there is no one to see and admire you? And what is that talk about going to the mountain? I was not created for such things...
- But I thought that you would love being freeâ€¦being able to do whatever you like.
- What do you mean by freedom? We are dollsâ€¦We are not supposed to be free. What should we do with this freedom?
I was created for humans. To be their silent companion...and their toy. I am not supposed to use my feet and just walk on my own, or to show them that I can speak. I am just supposed to be their silent witness, to give them comfort with my beautyâ€¦
- I stood there unable to imagine that she could think like that...shocked by her ideas and her anger at me..
- I was created for being in the middle of the attention, in the lights of the candles, not for such mundane things. I imagine you would want me to change my beautiful clothes and just walk through the town with all the people looking at me as if I were a monster. I am used to being loved and protected and I am supposed to never grow old and die. They made me no heart for a good reason since I must see all my owners grow old and eventually die....
- And you do not cry when they die and leave you all alone?
- Why should I? They were so many that I can barely remember their names or faces...and all humans look the same for me. Anyways, I am a very expensive doll, a collection item and it is my job to look perfect. I am not a toy that you can play with but one you admire from a distance..
- I thought that I have finally found a companion.. Someone to share my life with, and my dreams...and everything I own in this world.
- And what made you think that I am the one for you? You just took me from my beautiful window into your gloomy home and expect me to leave everything behind and just start to pretend that I am Human. But look at you...You are just wood and soul, and not even an expensive wood butâ€¦oak? You don't even look human, except for your strange eyes..
Have you ever wondered why did you choose me from the window? Why me from all the other dolls?
- Were there other dolls in the window?
- Yes there were, but I am the most beautiful and the most human like and you chose me because deep down inside something told you that I could make you look more humanâ€¦
Vanity and shallowness, two of the human characteristics that bring you closer to the humanity you crave forâ€¦
I am meant to be shallow and perfect, eternally beautiful and I am meant to be nothing more than a doll. I know what I am and my meaning into this world.
I didn't choose my destiny but I am at peace with it and cannot and do not want to help you find your way.
Each of us must be alone when facing its destiny...
-....so beautiful and so cruelâ€¦I murmured with tears into my eyes...unable to look at her and associate the painful words with that perfect, angelic face...
- Don't cry you silly wooden boy. You may not be pretty and carved out of a precious type of wood but your strangeness may be appealing to humans and this makes you a valuable asset. Come with me and I will teach you how you can become like me...she said touching my forehead. Her hand was cold as ice and I looked up. She was just as beautiful in the moonlight but her white complexion and dark green eyes made her look like a mask and nothing more.
Her voice was monotonous and hoarse...artificial, and her moves were almost mechanical, as if a clumsy invisible puppeteer was maneuvering her strings...
There was no thread of life, of dream or beauty in that creature. It was al pretending and coldness...
-I guess the old man was right....some creatures should never exist...and I should better take you back to your world, and your master...
- Al right, but just take care and try not to get my dress dirty, she said before sitting on the couch. And do not hate me or Dreamweaver for this...I just hope that you will get to your senses before it is too late...
- Too late for what, I asked, but she just stood still and didn't answer to my questions....
I passed the night looking at her and thinking of what just happened. I felt my heart bleeding although I had no heart and no blood. I cried and cried and cried and wished I were dead...
Then I started to think of what she said and the pity for her and her owners, and Dreamweaver grew stronger that I ended up crying not for my sad story but for their emptyness of heart..
The next day I took her back to the store only to find it deserted, completely empty, as if Dreamweaver never existed. I didn't know what to do with her and after a while I decided to leave her in front of the door and just leave.
I put her down and looked for a sign on her face but she didn't make a gesture and I assumed she agreed...
I never saw her or her real owner again...
I am grateful to Dreamweaver although his gift was not meant to be a good one.
He taught me a valuable lesson, probably not the lesson he had in mind but in spite of his intentions he and his doll taught me how I do not want to be, taught me that people, as well as dolls can be mean cruel or just shallow, and that soulless creatures think that the soul does not exist just because they don't have one.
I know differently, I feel it with my wooden creature that the souls exist, that true love is much more than o concept invented by irremediable dreamers and that I will find both of them some day....and become whole..
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