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￭ in return for your navy blue shirt
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2008-03-28 | |
Late in the night, with a glass of wine in my hand, I went out on the porch. It was so cold, a dried wind was penetrating into my body but I didn't feel anything anymore.
- He was a good friend!
I was walking along the porch, pacing from side to side... I dropped the glass down. It broke. A short sound... then nothing, silence. It bothered me so much that silence.
- I could have taken care of him!
The wind! Oh, why I couldn't be just a wind? I wish I would have had the power of the wind, to fly with him, to talk to him, to have the power and give myself and him another life.
- It was no my fault that he died!
I should have called to the hospital or maybe the police. I didn't know what they do in these cases, I never lost someone before. I never had someone before. We met accidental, he was alone, too. We lived toghether, far from the whole world. But I was writing all the time. He used to tell me that I don't see he's there next to me, that he's alive, too. I didn't pay much attention to his words.
- How would I have known that he was going to leave so soon?
I should have told him so many things. I really had in my heart a lot, but I guess I had no time. Now I had to do something. We have lived here, near to the forest, Our neighbours were too far and I couldn't bother anyone at such a time, in the middle of the night. In fact, no one knew we were living there.
- Why you had to leave me alone in a situation like this?
I felt so furious. Desperate. My hands and legs were trembling. I went back in the room where I left him.
- You were a good friend. A very good one.
I had to take care of him so I put him in a chair, bound him, not to fall down, and I took him out of the house. I carried him to the creek, it was difficult and heavy but I did it somehow. When we were next to the water, I let him free from the chair and put him down on the shore.
- I'm here now. It's going to be OK.
Oh damn you!
What about me? What I'm going to do with myself? Nobody thought about me?
I sat down next to him.
- Maybe you'll take me with you. You were the only one who knew I'm alive. I'm so tired! I didn't even realise that you were my whole world.
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